A Diamon for Clara Rose
K. Jerome Schmidt

No matter how hard he tried Jimmy O'Toole couldn't yet grasp his hands on it. With all of the pressure he was feeling he was certain he finally had the diamond his girlfriend Clara Rose was dreaming of. It had been a year since the couple first discussed marriage and Jimmy trembled in joy at the thought of holding Clara Rose tight. Jimmy O'Toole had awakened extra early this morning so he could finish the chores the administrator had told him of the day before. Jimmy had told his administrator Alease Onour-Ownplace that today is going to be the day he goes down to the ol' pool to find the biggest diamond anyone in this area has ever seen. Doing so would prove to be a task for Jimmy O'Toole, since the mine that closed years before had started to flood. But today, was going to be THE DAY! Jimmy finished his chores and set down the long path through the village, past the Melville Farm and Phil's Creek to the mine. The old sign was leaning on a section of corrugated metal bracing an adobe-style frame to the mine's entrance. Without hesitation, Jimmy stripped down to his underclothes and plunged into the mine. The water was far above his head so Jimmy O'Toole decided to get a large amount of air in his lungs to last until the next mine branch where the air pockets have been known to hang out and kick it. Jimmy was off! He swam like a trout through the underwater passage to the air pocket gathering place. And sure enough, there was an air pocket just waiting for him. Jimmy took one last huge breath and shot straight down into the abyss under the air pocket zone. It that a good term for where the air pockets hang out? I feel that they should have a place and they're likely in the zone so why not? So he shot down from what will now be referred to as the air pocket zone and deeper into darkness. Using only his hands to guide him he felt what he had been searching for to make sweet Clara Rose's day. He tugged and tore and scrapped away the dirt and stone in a frantic display. This probably had something to do with the great pressure he was feeling underground and underwater at the same time. Can you imagine? I mean, shit, that would be something I think. Jimmy surfaced with his favorite girl's treasure first in the air pocket zone and then journeyed back through the long corridor of aqua awesomeness in the dark. He came up out of that hole like a pig trying to get away. When Jimmy O'Toole found his best girl Clara Rose that evening he thought he would think of a smooth line to take Clara Rose by surprise. The best he could come up was blurting out I have a rock in my pants for you. You see, Jimmy had trouble containing secrets; a plague that had stayed with him from early adolescence when he and his friend Paul the Falconer would play in the boiler room at the Senior Citizen center nearby. Don't ask me why since then, I didn't get the details on that. Clara Rose being the offspring of well-to-do ruler salesman and his wife Faye did what any girl of privilege would do in that circumstance, she rode him for eighteen hours straight. Moral of the story? Say what you want, you may get laid anyway.